What's hidden in my house.

I am a very generous person…except when it comes to chocolate. I become very greedy. In fact, around my home, I have designated locations where I hide chocolate. Sometimes the locations are so good, that I find myself ransacking my own house when suffering from a chocolate craving. When I have exhausted all of my favorite hiding spots (the “love box” over the mantle, the top shelf in the downstairs bathroom, the cabinet over the refrigerator, and the top drawer under the sheets in the guest room), I find myself creating an excuse to walk to Stewarts.

Right now, I am sort of in the mood for chocolate, but am trying to hold off (and it’s not easy!). I’ll be eating lots of birthday cake this week, so I am trying to save the sugar calories for that. But it’s hard, because there is a candy bar on the table next to me under some papers. I think it’s a Crunch Bar.

At this point in my life, I should consider myself lucky that chocolate is my only vice. I have never taken drugs or smoked cigarettes (except once with Stacie in 1991 in the parking lot of the Hyde Park movie theater when we were both balling after watching the movie, The Bridges of Madison County)……Not to mention that only one glass of wine causes a flush to my cheeks.

I just stopped writing to double check. Yep, it’s a Crunch Bar, a special kind with caramel.

Actually, I just remembered my other vice. Coffee. I love a good cup of coffee. And what a coincidence that my favorite coffee is flavored with chocolate. Lately, I have felt like a Folgers commercial, having re-discovered that I don’t need to pay $9.00 a pound for a good cup of coffee. I had balked at my mother recently when she brought Folgers into my home. Having run out of the freshly ground coffee in the fancy foiled bag, I had no other choice but to feed my addition. I was pleasantly surprised. The Folgers wasn’t half bad (plus it’s half the price).

I have fantasized about writing to Folgers and starring in one of those cheesy commercials with thirty-somethings sitting around a table eating cucumber sandwiches. The know-it-all mother notices the Folger’s canister on my counter, and snickers across the table to another coffee-snob accomplice. But after they taste the Folgers, they are won over and the camera pans into my “told you so” smile (bleached white teeth of course).

So here I am thinking about being on a Folgers TV commercial sounding pretty pathetic. At least I’m smart enough to know that it’s too late for coffee (10:30pm). But I can’t guarantee that I won’t lean over for that Crunch Bar. I wonder if it has almonds? What was that movie with the famous quote “Greed is Good”?

Post script: Even though I disclosed the secret locations on where I hide my chocolate, you are out of luck. I’m cunning. But if asked, I will most likely share.