The Granola Monologues

So when my sister asked me if there would be running water at my wedding, it occurred to me that others may perceive me as being sort of crunchy. It’s true that my nails have only been manicured and polished once, that my pair of Birkenstocks traveled to Magic Meadow, and that the new gray streaks in my hair have given me nothing but delight. But it wasn’t until this month that I discovered the meaning of being a true “granola”.

When a friend told me that she made her own granola, my envy bubbled into enthusiasm along with an invitation to my kitchen. A granola baking lesson turned into a neighborhood playdate with moms, toddlers and preschoolers scurrying around the table as my friend began stirring the oats, molasses, nuts and cinnamon in a large metal bowl dented from a decade of baking.

Others probably have known this for years, but it wasn’t until I witnessed granola baking in a 350 degree oven (mixed every 5 minutes to prevent burning), that I understood why some people (to remain nameless) have called me a “Granola”. It’s not that I prefer a healthy homemade breakfast with dried fruit, or that I wish to push a political agenda, it’s simply because granola – looks like dirt.

Now, I don’t take offense to this. I am clean. Well, at least I am dirt-less (except when Alan and I visit the park). So maybe I’m associated with the cliché of being down-to-earth, because I have dirt under my nails and have been wearing the same ripped jeans for ten years. Or maybe it’s metaphorical in that I value informality, like when a friend helps themselves to a drink in my frig.

But here’s a dirty little secret. I’m not a Granola, at least not 100%. If you dig further into what it means to be a “granola”, then it’s just not me.

First, I do value materialistic possessions, with running water being at the top of the list. I am a self proclaimed “couch hoarder” (I have 3 couches and 2 love seats). I also enjoy the fine dining experience, one that includes having each plate individually served to you like they do at the Culinary Institute.

I’m also very superficial. I can spend hours flipping through the glossy pages of People Magazine sipping a $4.00 café latte at Starbucks thinking about what it might be like to walk down a red carpet in a sequined dress. I can even hold a three hour conversation about the latest celebrity gossip. Also, the environmental concern factor, while an important component of granolahood, is not one that I can live up to. Unless I use the stringent cleaning supplies that knock you over in a cloud of ammonia, I don’t feel like I am getting my grubby surfaces clean.

So if the unintended result of making granola was “to examine the complexities of identity as it relates to external and internal perceptions,” so be it. But for now, let’s just enjoy a bowl of granola and call it a day!

POST SCRIPT:
Reference to Wikipedia definitions:

GRANOLA is also used as a slang term (metonym) describing a person who is hippie-like, a modern bohemian, environmentalist, or leftist in outlook[1].

DOWN TO EARTH is an English idiom meaning 'practical and realistic': a down-to-earth person.[1]