What a crumby life!

What a crumby life!

Alan was happily crunching on popcorn today, enjoying the crinkling of the bag while peeking inside for kernels. Soon enough we had devoured most of the bag leaving Alan to dig further and further to the bottom. Frustrated with the diminishing size of the kernels, he turned the bag upside down, scattering the popcorn onto the porch floor.

I leaned to get the broom behind the front door, but by the time I had turned around, Alan was eating popcorn crumbs off of the dirty floor. This prompted a chat about appropriate places to eat crumbs as well as how we go about cleaning up crumbs.

The world of crumbiness can be tough for a toddler. And it won’t get any easier. Soon he will learn that once you encounter a crumb, usually it’s not a good sign. This is because it means cleaning is in your future, and I only know a handful of people who find crumb-cleaning to be an enjoyable “cathartic” experience. So for most of us, when a crumb incident occurs, you know for sure that you will immediately have to stop what you are doing to conduct an unwanted chore followed by a “don’t cry over spilt milk” sigh of agony.

When a crumb incident occurs in full view, its public nature requires immediate attention. However, not all crumb-related incidents are discovered right away. In fact, many go undetected for days, weeks and even years. For example, the other day, I turned Alan’s diaper bag upside down with the hopes of finding my keys, but instead my head got rained upon by orange goldfish crumbs from a bag that apparently had been opened.

For me, a crumb incident that goes undetected for weeks or months (and hopefully not years) usually means that I am not doing a good enough job vacuuming under the couch cushions. In fact, I have developed a certain methodology for figuring out how long it has been. Here’s a general rule of thumb: the smaller the size of the crumb, the longer those crumbs have been there. A simple touch-test can verify. If you scan your hand under the cushion, and it’s smooth, then no vacuuming is necessary. If it’s granular, then it’s been a few weeks. If it’s a sandy substance combined with coinage, then, it’s been way too long.

Luckily, my mother and mother-in-law are both great crumb-identifiers, and when visiting me, they won’t let crumbs disintegrate into sand. This is especially true of my silverware holder. I can count on the fact that one of them will dump and wash out my storage bin while re-organizing the entire drawer. Thanks to them, I am grateful to have one less mess to clean.

My father on the other hand, is great at identifying crumbs, but isn’t as helpful with part two. We all know that a car is a major eating locale, so crumbs should be expected in a car, right? Well, in my car you will find crumbs in the creases of the seat as well as on the floor (along with an occasional hardened french-fry or crumbled candy wrapper). My dad is famous for brushing the car seat off vehemently before taking a seat. I have also seen him take items (those abandoned candy wrappers), and place them gingerly in the back. Has he ever offered to vacuum/clean my car out?

Like I said, it’s a crumby world out there. We all need to pitch in and keep our perspective. After Alan and I finished sweeping the popcorn off the porch, my neighbors Melanie and Ivan dropped over for a visit. And while I thought that all the popcorn had been swept away, we both caught Alan reaching for that lonely kernel under the table. As he popped it into his little mouth, we both cried out in horror (not really). I think we both understood. At his age, a crumb isn’t going to kill you.

Translating for a Toddler

Here are certain phrases that Alan uses regularly should you ever need a translation.

“Let’s play with pea pods”: This means that Alan wants to go in the back yard to ride his fire truck in our driveway. It was derived from a tree which I have yet to identify which litters my back yard with ugly black pea pods. Sometimes he will say “play with rocks” which has a similar translation but also includes throwing stones.

“Bye-bye bath, hello Burrito”
This is a song created by Roger to signal Alan that it’s time for him to get out of the bath tub. When you wrap Alan in a towel, he looks like a burrito. Because they also bang on the bathroom wall during this routine, Alan now sings it at parades when he hears drummers passing by in marching bands.

“Can I have regular cheese” – this is American cheese as opposed to “stick cheese” which is actually string mozzarella cheese.

“Wanna play with Free” – Alan’s fleet of vehicles includes a shiny green plastic vehicle which he has named “Free”. We believe the name came from the sign which was attached to the vehicle when Roger grabbed it from a neighbor who had abandoned it on the side of the road. Other names include: Buster, Roamie, Blue Hippo and Popper. (The fire truck has no specific name, but he knows when it’s sleeping.)

"Fly me to the moon" - This one is very important should you be taking Alan to the park. He wants you to sing this Sinatra favorite while you push him on the swing. There is a technique. You have to hold him up high, then sing "fly me to the moon" pausing after each word to build up the anticipation, then as you say "moon", you have to let go and watch him fly.

“I want broken shells” – Macaroni and cheese are a staple in a child’s diet. When I was out of shell pasta, I panicked. I boiled up another type of pasta and told him it was broken shells. Now he requests “broken shells” as well as “tubies” (which he calls boobies), “trees” and “flowers”.

“Go see the lonely fan” – We all know that Alan has a love of fans. The lonely fan is located at the Inquiring Mind Bookstore around the corner. I have yet to figure out why the fan is lonely.

“Go see Tiff” – This means that Alan wants to go to the library. Tiffany works there.

“I’m packing a load” – We thank Pop-Pop for this one. I’m not sure if an explanation is necessary, but Alan primarily says this when he needs a diaper change. But sometimes he says it when he hears us talking about Pop-Pop. (Be careful Pop-Pop, remember how Bootie got her nickname)

Lions and Tigers and Bears (oh my)

Lions and Tigers and Bears (Oh My!)

Well, I actually should change the song to: Coyotes and Foxes and Bears (oh my), because that’s what you will find at the Bear Mountain State Park. So yes all of you doubtful 5-year olds, there are bears after all (see May 25 blog). Plus you’ll find otters, beavers, bobcats and plenty of nature to explore. Under the shade of a tree with a picnic lunch packed by Pam, we watched Alan, Murray and Alex explore the lake and playground. Then off to the merry-go-round where a tentative Alan decided to sit that one out. Next time we’ll try the pool, paddle boats and maybe bring some food to grill. The best part is that you don’t need to fly over the rainbow to enjoy this park. It’s only an hour away from home sweet home.

More Bear Mountain Photos

Sprinkle it (just a little bit)

Should we ever find the means to live in outer space, I will have one major dilemma to overcome. Do you know that it’s impossible to sprinkle salt and pepper onto your baked potato or other food of choice? Due to zero gravity, the salt and pepper would simply float away seasoning the air in a celestial dust of flavor.

This factoid shook something up for me, namely how obsessed I am with the act of “sprinkling”. In an effort to not litter outer space with drifting oregano particles and parmesan cheese flakes, I would have to make major modifications to my method of eating and cooking.

Let’s start with ice cream. The ice cream parlor is one of my favorite sprinkling locations. Back in the day, we only had chopped nuts and the proverbial “sprinkle” to top our sundaes. But now anything that contains sugar is fair game like M&M’s, powered coconut, and chocolate chips. I like how some places have gone the extra step by crushing candy in advance just for your sprinkling pleasure like Snickers and Oreo cookies. New options every day are being created such as yogurt chips, pistachio meat, hulled sesame, caramel shavings and “peachy penguins”, leaving the expert sprinkler with endless enjoyment.

There is something very satisfying about the act of sprinkling. Think about the last time you made pizza. Isn’t the favorite part when you sprinkle the mozzarella cheese over the dough? Or how about the anticipation when you sprinkle cheddar over crispy tortillas knowing that it will soon melt into mouth-watering nachos?

Or maybe it’s how you aren’t tied down to a specific measurement - you can sprinkle as much or as little as you want based upon your style of cooking. For instance, when I’m in an adventurous mood, I’ll sprinkle extra oregano into my tomato sauce. Or when dining alone, I’ll sprinkle in about a half bottle of garlic powder. But no matter how my sauce comes out, there is nothing that beats the finale of a sprinkle of parmesan over the final dish.

Plus, sprinkling allows people to individualize their personal eating experience. At my house, garlic power, oregano and parmesan are regularly left on the table for guests’ sprinkling pleasure. Pizzerias are famous for this. Have you noticed that now they also leave out oregano for you? Starbucks has picked up on the counter-sprinkle option. When you go to pick up your latte, not only can you sprinkle sugar, but nutmeg, cinnamon, chocolate or vanilla.

But at fine restaurants, they do the sprinkling for you. Chefs will sprinkle chives, red peppers or other colorful spices around a completed dish. At first I thought that this was for aesthetic purposes, but if you watch the food channel, you see the great charge that chefs get from making that final sprinkle, as if it's the last stroke of a great painting. Emeril is famous for this and has turned the sprinkle into a household name. “BAM!”

In my home, we have used the “bamming” of the sprinkle to entice my two year old to eat. I found that if you sprinkle cheerios over any new dish, he will eventually try whatever food is put in front of him. Actually, Alan was the inspiration of this blog posting, because today I found him sprinkling cinnamon on the floor followed by a “yum!”. I used this as a “teachable moment” and began sprinkling cinnamon on apples and bananas. (“Bam!”)

The medical field is also capitalizing on the sprinkling effect. Do you know that you can sprinkle fiber onto your food now as well as a spice that will protect you from food-born bacteria like E. coli and salmonella? With researchers and marketers inventing new ways to enjoy sprinkling, I’m sure they’ll come up with a way to defy gravity. So maybe there is hope for me after all in outer space?

I don't believe in bears!

“I don’t believe in bears.” With childhood full of imaginary characters and cartoons, this proclamation by my friend’s daughter caught me a bit off guard. Maybe I’m more prepared for the doubtful Santa believer or the explorer who unearths a stockpile of Easter candy. But as my friend told me how her daughter questioned the existence of bears, I was stumped on how to respond.

"Just take her to the zoo!" I thought. Not so easily done. I recalled my own experience at the zoo last year when the baby cubs were hiding in their den. Was this just a marketing ploy?

"Turn on Animal Planet!" I thought. No, I don’t think this would work. Just because something is on TV these days, doesn’t mean its real – thanks to special effects.

Was this five-year-old on to something?

Hmm. When was the last time I had seen a bear? I must have seen a bear at some point, but my memory was as fuzzy as bear fur. (Or was bear fur stiff and prickly?)

I realized all of the things I couldn’t remember or recall experiencing that are so prevalent in children’s books and/or on television. For example, I have never held a furry yellow chick in the palm of my hand. I have never heard an owl hoot at night. I have never seen kittens born or a baby lamb. I have never swum with the dolphins or sat in the cock pit of an airplane.

While it’s true that one relives childhood through the eyes of their children, there are so many new things that I am looking forward to experiencing with Alan and Roger. And while I may never get the chance to touch bear fur, I sure want to verify that they exist!

Bottoms up!!

So you’ve worked hard all week, and its Thursday afternoon, and you’ve decide to head to the bar at Stella’s for a drink to get an early start to the holiday weekend. You settle into your chair, look up at the game on the TV, and as you go to take that first sip – POP! Then another POP-POP followed by a cackling child. If you were one of the gentlemen sitting at the bar today trying to unwind, my apologies. An outing to meet friends for ice cream was delayed by a morning work commitment, so in an effort to speed things up before the party ended, I let Alan take his “popper for a walk” – which he had been asking to do all week. I don’t know what I was thinking. Even though Stella’s is both a bar and an ice cream parlor, please – don’t ever take your popper with you, even if your child begs! It is a kid-magnet! During “popper sightings” children will drop their ice cream cones and race towards that POP-POP sound. Secondly, don’t ever try to make a joke to those sitting at the bar as your child’s popper speeds by – apparently no one will think it’s cute. Bottoms-up! (Pop-Pop!)